When the crew of the enterprise visits Disneyland
by hildekitten
Summary: Jim, Bones, Nyota, Spock, Pavel and Hikaru go to Disneyland for a day, hilarity follow.


_Author's note: I wrote this as a silly on-off story for a friend of mine. I ended up letting another friend read it and it made him laugh, so I'm posting it here too. It's daft and I'm full well aware. Don't read it if you're only into serious Star Trek fic!_

"Come ON!" Jim is shouting at Bones, Nyota and Spock who are dwindling behind.

Chekov is ahead of them, looking like an overenthoused puppy, it's hard to say who's more exited about their little day out. Sulu is next to him, trying hard to at least somewhat calm his friend.

"Jim for pete's sake, don't be such a child!"

"I want to get in so I get into rollercoasters Bones!"

"I find it highly illogical to rush to attractions when you are holder of a VIP fast pass which allows you to go on them without extensive queuing."

Jim looks hurt by all of this scepticism "but Spock… it's DISNEYLAND!"

Nyota, sensing the argument rising glares at Jim and softly rubs her fingers over her boyfriend's palm, distracting him from the discussion at hand whilst giving Leonard the "he's your best friend, you sort this out" look.

Sighing deeply he complies, patting Jim on the shoulder and walking up to the entrance with him whilst Nyota and Spock walk behind them, happily engaged in finger kissing.

Having saved the world occasionally has its perks, such as getting free tickets to one of Earth's greatest theme parks. A theme park quite capable of reducing James T. Kirk, who is known for bouts of pubescent enthusiasm to an overgrown child in an instant.

Chekov and Sulu have wandered off into Tomorrowland almost instantly, leaving the rest to deal with their captain who is peering onto a map trying to decide what to do first.

"I say we go to a rollercoaster!"

"You have said that before Jim, now make up your mind which one man!"

"Hold it Bones, I'm choosing!"

Looking up at his friends he suddenly stares in the distance, the others turn to see what he's up to this time.

Nyota groans and all but face palms when she sees the Disney Princesses come out on a stage to greet guests.

"I've changed my mind; I want to meet the princesses first!"

"I find it highly illogical that anyone, let alone children who have short attention span, are willing to queue for any amount of time to have their photograph taken with people dressed as inaccurate representations of their cartoon heroes."

"You'll see!" Jim grabs Spock by the arm, dragging him along.

"To hell with this, I'm going to find a present for my little girl and then find a nice and quiet spot in a café and read a book on my pad" Leonard grumbles.

"I'll help you look!" Nyota offers. "I don't think I can deal with Jim letching at a girl in a princess costume."

"What about Spock?"

"If Jim overdoes it he can always use the neck pinch on him."

An evil grin slowly spreads over Leonard's face "that I'd like to see."

"Do you want to queue with them then?"

"I didn't say I wanted to see it that badly darling!"

Half an hour later Jim enthusiastically wanders in, waving his pad which holds a photo of each men flanking a girl dressed as Cinderella about. Spock looks as stoic as ever, seemingly unphased by the entire experience whilst Jim is grinning like a loon.

Whilst Jim all but runs to the candy section Spock decides that his help is invaluable when it comes to Bones' shopping experience.

"Research has proven that 87% of girls under the age of 12 prefer dolls that represent their heroines."

"I'll keep it in mind." Bones absentmindedly says, trying to choose from the overabundance of princess merchandise.

"Where is Nyota?"

"I think she's buying a Minnie Mouse eared hair band."

"I am sorry doctor, but I am afraid I do not know to what kind of accessory you are referring to?"

"Good god man, are you blind? Haven't you seen all the people in the crazy headwear?"

"Spock! Bones! What do you think? Pirate hat or cowboy hat?"

Bones just _stares_ at his best friend before shaking his head wearily and returning to his shopping qualms.

Spock seems to be formulating an answer in his head whilst Jim switches one hat for the other waiting for his first officer's input.

"What the heck are you wearing?" Nyota stares at Jim wearing a tricorn hat.

"You're to speak miss Mouse-hura!" Jim snarks back.

"Now now children, play nice or I'll make you both wear a pink princess dress!" Bones mutters darkly whilst looking over plush dolls.

"What do you think of my mouse ears Spock?"

"I find that they certainly suit the occasion when it comes to blending in with other park visitors Nyota".

"Ah the art of diplomacy." Jim smirks.

"You're a dumb farm boy, why don't you go back to your usual self and buy the cowboy hat!" Nyota is obviously getting fed up.

"Pirate hat it is! After all, I am the captain."

"Much as it displeases me to admit to it, but there is some logic to his choice of ridiculous theme park hat wear."

"You just wait when he starts wearing that on the bridge." Bones looks at Jim disappearing towards the register to pay.

"I will simply state regulation concerning proper uniforms and hope that for once he will take the rules seriously."

"Fat chance." Nyota and Bones say together.

Bones is glad to be sitting down at lunch time. He's been shaken back and forth in rollercoasters, had to sit through several rides that are less than entertaining for anyone over the age of 5, or Jim. And he's heard one too many child scream at the top of his lungs for not getting what they want. Actually, he's heard Jim whinge a tad too much too. Strangely enough the only person that seems to be sympathetic to his plight is Spock, who seems to be even more out of his element amongst earthly things than usual.

The other man is sitting across from him, studying the surroundings.

"I find it fascinating that they should go to such lengths when it comes to their scenery. I can see how this adds to the experience of visiting this location."

"Do you also find it fascinating that your girlfriend is wearing Minnie mouse ears on top of her head?"

Spock just gives him a weary look and looks over at Nyota and Jim waiting their turn to order.

"Maybe we should get Spock chocolate milk? Get him drunk, that'll loosen him up!"

"Don't you DARE!" Nyota hisses through clenched teeth.

"Relax I'm kidding! You should get him a burger though, I hear they're good."

"Vulcans are vegetarians!"

"Waffles?"

"They don't serve waffles here Jim."

"Why don't you serve waffles?" Jim proceeds to ask the girl behind the counter when it's their turn.

Before Jim can make an even bigger fool out of himself, Nyota shoves him aside.

"Hi, please ignore this jackass. I would like to order two salads and two hamburger deluxe meals. And an extra children's menu so captain speshul over here can play with the toy."

"Yay toy!" Jim exclaims happily, ignoring Nyota's insults.

The girl at the counter looks like she's planning on stating regulations that forbid her to serve children's meals at over 12s, but taking a look at both Jim and Nyota's face she obviously thinks the better of it.

"Coming right up miss."

Sulu, Chekov and Jim are looking at the little mechanical kids menu toy in awe like it's the coolest thing they've ever seen.

"Fascinating!" Spock exclaims whilst watching the three men.

Chekov even seems to have forgotten his too much candy induced nausea, for which Bones has already given him several pills and a dreaded hypospray.

"Thankfully I like to come prepared, a habit I picked up from rooming with Jim at the academy" he explains to Nyota.

"Spock! You need headwear!" Jim suddenly proclaims whilst taking another bite from his burger and shoving the toy into chekov's lap with his free hand so he can wink at a girl passing by and pretending he has nothing to do with the kid's menu.

"Smooth Jim, that works better when NOT eating the kid's menu" Nyota remarks.

"I'm thinking a mouse eared hat." Jim ignores her.

Spock looks at him, seemingly unphased.

"I agree, I say we dress up the hobgoblin." Bones adds.

"I find ze mice hats fun!" Chekov grins, sporting one that looks like someone splattered paint all over it.

"We should get you the Mickey's pants one, because that one's really pants!" Sulu grins, adjusting his Mickey Mouse eared aviator hat.

"I fail to see how ridiculous headwear will alter my experience."

"Are you calling my hair band ridiculous?" Nyota raises one eyebrow.

15 minutes later they come out of a shop. Bones and Spock both sporting headwear. Spock has insisted he would only don it when Leonard did too, so Bones settled for a cowboy hat, which at least was not too far from his comfort zone. Spock has settled for a Haunted Mansion top hat, sans ears, inspite of attempts from the others to get him into the Mickey eared one. When a Vulcan has made up his mind, it seems that no amount of nagging from his friends can change it.

After more rides, and trying to keep Jim from flirting with every pretty girl in the park, or at least attempting to do so, they are all glad to be sitting down for dinner. Leonard is happily sitting at a table in the back with a bag full of presents for his little girl and his book. He's been sitting there for a couple of hours drinking coffee and eating pie, finding that his park experience is greatly enhanced by avoiding everything and sticking to the western inspired restaurant.

Spock seems relieved to join him, having been dragged around by Nyota all day.

Sulu comes to join them from the men's room with a worried look on his face.

"Doctor, Pavel's been throwing up for about 15 minutes now, I did tell him not to have that fourth ice cream after those 3 cotton candies but Jim kept on daring him."

"Oh good grief, I can't leave you children alone for a couple of hours!"

Nyota flops down on Spock's lap, not even pausing her pie eating and proceeding to feed Spock sporkfulls of apple pie. The Vulcan seems to be quite content, his mouth nearly drawing into a smile.

Jim is flopping down at the table with his own plate of pie, looking at the spectacle jealously "lucky bastard!"

"You have no idea just how lucky Jim."

After yet more rides, and having to hear Sulu complain about the lack of proper piloting capacities of several flight simulation ones they have all settled down for the fireworks.

Nyota is happily looking through photos of her and Spock posing with several characters, which took her less convincing than expected.

"I think he's secretly enjoying himself as much as the rest of us, after all, he is half human" Sulu says looking matter of factly.

Even Chekov seems to be a lot happier, even though he pouted and was left looking slightly teary eyed with the Doctor whilst the rest went off again.

"I had to listen to him babble on about everything and nothing for HOURS" McCoy had muttered darkly when the rest had shown up again hours later.

"At least he stopped puking his guts out!" Jim had cheerfully said before they all went to get a place for the fireworks.

Spock has wrapped his arms around Nyota's waist, holding her close to him whilst they admire the colours in the sky. Chekov and Sulu are staring at it in wide eyed wonder whilst filming it. Pavel is repeatedly exclaiming how much his family in Russia will love the footage.

"Say, where's Jim?" Bones asks looking around when the fireworks are over and the crowd disperses again.

"I don't know, he was with us earlier." Nyota is looking around too.

Spock and Leonard nearly simultaneously reach for the pads when they start beeping alerting them of a message.

_Been escorted out of the park, will see you guys at the shuttle. Jim_

"Goddammit what has he done this time?"

"I dread to hazard a guess doctor" Spock says frowning.

They're all quite hurried to get to the shuttle now, curiosity obvious on their faces.

"So what did you do this time?" Nyota demands to know.

"Well remember that pretty redhead playing the mermaid?"

"Yeaaaaaaaaaaaah…" Bones sounds suspicious.

"Well we got caught in erm… certain comprising acts in It's a Small World…" Jim grins his wide schoolboy grin.

"God grief Jim! Aren't you even ashamed of yourself that you got caught shagging in a ride?" Bones shouts at him.

"You've got to admit it's kindda funny" Sulu interjects.

"Bones, lighten up! How cool is this! I can tell everyone I got tossed out of Disneyland for doing a princess in a boat!"

"I personally would have chosen another ride to have mutually pleasurable acts of the flesh in." Spock states dryly.

"Really, why's that Spock?" Jim questions.

"Because every time you relive the experience in your mind, you will also have the theme song to the attraction immediately stuck in your head."

The silence is deafening when they watch the realisation dawn on their captain's face.

They look at each other, all but Spock bursting out in laughter whilst the Cheshire cat type grin is replaced by a look of utter shock on Captain James T Kirk's face. Adding insult to injury, they all, Spock included, end the evening in song. It's a Small World After all of course, because otherwise it just wouldn't be punishment enough.


End file.
